Conversationalists tend to hold many simultaneous motives when speaking with others.
We examine two fundamental desires—to be responsive to a partner, and to disclose about one self. We introduce one pervasive way people attempt to reconcile these competing goals—boomerasking—a sequence in which individuals first pose a question to their conversation partner
(“How was your weekend?”), let their partner answer, and then answer the question themselves
(“Mine was amazing!”). The boomerask starts with someone asking a question, but—like a
boomerang—the question returns quickly to its source. We document three types of boomer asks: ask-bragging (asking a question followed by disclosing something positive e.g., an amazing vacation); ask-complaining (asking a question followed by disclosing something negative
e.g., a family funeral); and ask-sharing (asking a question followed by disclosing something neutral e.g., a weird dream). Though boomeraskers believe they leave positive impressions, in practice, their decision to share their own answer—rather than follow up on their partner’s—appears
egocentric and disinterested in their partner’s perspective. As a result, people perceive boomeraskers as insincere, and prefer conversation partners who straightforwardly self-disclose.